Magic

I know, I know. I said I'd post Christmas morning. But I didn't. Let's move on.

My life is changing so rapidly now. I hardly know what to say.


I suppose I'll start with dolls. If you don't like\care about my dolls, you can skip this part. Last I posted, I had just mailed out my half of a trade for a migidoll Jina head. She has since arrived, and annoyed her brother to no end by sharing his living space. I actually just bought her eyes this morning, and hopefully the wig commission shop I want to get her wig from will reopen soon! She's been sitting in my closet with the other dolls, just another floating head, (When Rot's {Soom Photon Reaper} head arrives, I will have six, count 'em SIX floating heads!) but she felt strange to me, being the only doll without eyes or hair. So, since Augustine's (Jina's) eyes are green, she stole the only green eyes I have right now from Johanna, (Soom Special Order Galena head) as well as her brother's wig. Well! She's practically looking herself right now, and that makes me happy, even if it means I temporarily have a doll with no hair and a floating head with no eyes. Wow that last bit sounded creepy. In other dolls news, I FINALLY bought Max (Unoa Sist) a body! It's a Bimong Narae body. I got it during D-storic's 'Goodbye Bimong' event, which I had no idea was even happening at the time! But boy am I glad I decided to buy it when I did - D-storic has now stopped selling Bimong dolls... forever! I think, once I finish paying off Rot's head next month, I'll start saving up for Eleana's (Elfdoll Soah's) new body. My collection is nearly complete!


But enough about that. Recently, a lot of things have happened. I started on a new medication, as well as back off a few I've been on for a while... The results are amazing. For the first time in years, years, I am not only able to solve math problems, I'm enjoying it. (I never mentioned it before but I've had extreme math anxiety for a very long time. This is huge for me.) But that's not all! Oh yes, that's right, I find myself enjoying life! I honestly have a very hard time remembering a time when I didn't feel like crap the majority of the time, excluding my early childhood and the days as of late, so y'know.... that's pretty good. I'm doing better in school, I feel more motivated to DO things, I can see a future for myself, and I just... feel good. I feel good.

It's not all been wonderful though. Yesterday, my best friend hurt me more in one action, five words, than he's ever hurt me before, more than ALL the times he's hurt me before, combined. "We can't hang out anymore."

And, as much as I hate it, he's right. My best friend, the person I've held dearest to my heart for so long, has decided to remove himself almost completely from my life. It pains and shames me to admit this, but... it might be for the best. Still, I don't think I've ever felt as simultaneously crushed, confused, depressed and enraged as I did yesterday. I think I broke my all-time record for Time Spent Starting at the Wall Blankly. I couldn't even cry.


But you know what? I'm okay.

And that's fantastic.